Monday, January 7, 2013

Communication skills

Communication skills are extremely important in human relationships as careless communication can create many misunderstandings and problems. Often, however, a very thin line between the conscious use of communication techniques to improve relationships and communication, and for the purpose of influencing another person to do something that we want and what may not be what she really wants, or, what is even more common case, if it is not fully aware of our intentions. 

For example, parents are familiar with the techniques of communicating with their children, they are often used for this purpose, rather than from a desire to truly understand what he wants and feels their child.
Proponents of the use of communication skills to manage others would say that if you reach the other person really wants to do so, or to feel better about herself, she is actually doing well. This idea, however, implies an attitude of disrespect, that we know better than others what is good for her. It's even in the parent - child relationship is often quite egotistical and immature attitude, especially if it is compared with another adult.
Even if we are convinced that the other person do good to ask ourselves who can make satisfaction or who may feel clean with himself knowing that he contributed to another person without her knowledge? Is it possible to do it with respect for the other person, if conscious control is automatically placed in the lower position, manipulated people? In this respect the honesty and intimacy becomes less and less possible. On the other hand, is it even possible to affect the other person with their knowledge and consent, if not often we do not know how to influence others?
Perhaps one of the rules is that the more you try to hide another person trying to influence them, it's likely to do so from a position of non-compliance. Communication techniques are the most honest and most honest if we can apply them without hiding them apply.
The need for power is present in everyone. We want to shine the outside, to be attractive to others, feel powerful - for everyone to have a very appealing image, and it is easy to find an excuse to try to achieve. The question you ask is, while rare, which is why we feel the need for it? What we lack an inner sense, and we want to achieve in this way? Why we feel sufficiently valuable only if they can feel special, better than the other? Work on your own self-esteem rather than external success can not save us years, but decades of effort. Still more, no external success can not be replaced, nor cause, true-love. It must come from within rather than from outside, feeling that it is much better than the feeling of power over others - and then you will probably discover that you and others appreciate and love you more and more honest than this can be achieved by any tricks.
As a rule, if you are in any communication you feel subtly manipulated even if you do not know how - it is quite likely that is. The key is the inner intention and perception of another person, while the external behavior can be so similar that it is very difficult to distinguish between the truly dishonest - but it is almost impossible in the long and the short run and play the game and do not give us that small non-verbal signals: minimal changes in tone of voice, mime stiffness, minor discrepancies or use phrases instead of spontaneous speech - often signals that knowingly or we will not notice the other person, but we unconsciously. Usually this will cause a feeling that we interpreted roughly as "something that is strange to me, but it's hard to determine what is'. The earlier you register and interpret the feeling, the better - and in order to be able to do successfully, preferably in the situation, not after it, it is necessary to train the observation and recognition of their feelings.
It is far easier to live openly and honestly than to constantly monitor and play something that does not feel real, always keep in mind that if we play a perfect game, or we missed something and there is a possibility that others see through, constantly afraid that it will happen - how It is worth the effort and energy, even if you do not believe that the desire to be able to point to an internal problem?
If we are aware that we play a game in the short term, we should be aware that this is true and manipulation of us truly do not care about other people. Second, too often it is possible that in the long term we want to impress others (ie, be charismatic) in order to feel better about themselves. In that case, disregard for others is often more unconsciously than consciously, or infringement of ourselves - an inner sense of powerlessness and irrelevance that concealing the impact from the other. A person who does not appreciate themselves will be attracted to techniques that offer the power, influence and charisma to fill the inner emptiness that is linked to the unconscious belief that we can not get the love and respect if we are honest - if we show what we really are, or what is deep in itself felt.
When using communication techniques, ask yourself if you are using them to hide his true intentions and true feelings, or to make them affordable way to express. Every time we use some communication skills in order to avoid to be natural and honest with the other person, and be far from our own true being, true feelings and able to love yourself.
Price apparent power over others - even if the do - is that we are never able to relax and be ourselves, because we are under pressure to continue to maintain a semblance of a rule not only in comparison with others but also with ourselves. We are always on the alert and fear that others would not see through. What the authors of these books you will say, is that control over others and involves much more drastic, painful control over themselves, and to those parts of the purest and most sincere self.Perhaps no better example of 'boomerang - Effect' technique of trying to control over others.
If you are tempted to use these approaches, let us ask ourselves the following: if we are relaxed and open relationships with emotionally healthy people who do not tolerate that kind of game - and we want to see people like puppets, trying to shape them as such, and thereby attract immature people tend games, plays or susceptibility to manipulation?
In my experience with people who have used similar means of communication, and even had a certain charisma and power over others - I never had the impression that they are truly happy, to love and respect yourself. The price of success in the control of communication is that other people will like and maybe admire our mask, but our true being - and this is the position from which we move themselves and that, the greater the success, it becomes increasingly difficult to raise awareness and change. On the other hand, know people who radiate genuine appeal. Their charisma stems from a healthy self-love - enjoy your own body and your own existence. 

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