Monday, January 7, 2013

How to deal with anger?


Anger is a powerful emotion that you can be "wrapped up" so much that you feel that can not control it. If you're angry too often, too hard and violently react to anger lasts long and is turning into aggression or disturb your work and relationships - that means you have a problem with anger. You may think that expressing anger is showing strength - but just a sign of immaturity and poor self-control. Therefore - learn to manage their strong feelings, instead they control you.



We can feel the anger of moderate irritation to overwhelming rage. When people come to the stage of complete rage hard to stop. It is better to respond to early symptoms and "slay them in the bud."

Anger becomes a problem when:
- Is too strong
- It happens all too often
- Takes too long
- Escalation in aggression or violence
- Disrupts relationships or work

Triggers for anger
- External - problems with others (eg someone criticizes you in front of others, or mistakes and slow down the other person), stressful and frustrating situations and events, lack of time for themselves, financial and practical problems ...
- Internal (thoughts, memories, worries ...)

Anger people feel as restlessness, anxiety, irritability, "as it is on the edge", to the state of anger.
Physical changes prepare the body to react "flight-fight": palpitations, feeling the heat, tension, anxiety, chest pain, abdominal cramps, weakness in the legs, muscle tension, sweating, ringing in your head
Angry behavior - yelling and argue it, izjuriš demonstrative of the situation (banging doors etc ...), throw things, attacking someone, say mean things, you're cynical, threatening ...

When we are angry our opinion is different - distorted, depressed, can not concentrate, you got the impression that you are "darkened mind," do you think the worst of others, and dishonest you are, consider that the actions of others and deliberate provocation to you.
When we are angry our opinion is different - distorted, depressed, can not concentrate, you got the impression that you are "darkened mind," do you think the worst of others, and dishonest you are, consider that the actions of others and deliberate provocation to you
Typical angry thoughts: "You do not respect me", "You're stupid! Selfish! "," You think you're better than me "," You're making a fool of me, "" You're using me! "," This is the only way to teach your mind »

A person prone to anger, often justifying their anger as a normal response to provocation. Often these positions is:
- "I can not control my anger, that is my nature." - BUT - a way of expressing emotion is largely learned and can be changed
- "If you do not izventiliram your anger - I'll explode." - BUT - only frequent feelings of anger is harmful, and many feel worse after their anger get out of control.
- "My anger scare people and stop them to take advantage of me" - Ask yourself, "Can a good relationship based on fear?" Besides others prone to anger your behavior may be perceived as threatening, causing the frequent quarrels and clashes.
- "If you show anger're a wimp." - But it is uncontrolled and often ljućenje sign of immaturity and poor self-control.

How to deal with anger?
Recognize early signs of tension and anger and "slay them in the bud"
Get away from the situation when you're in the heat of the moment (step away from the person, turn your head, get out of the room, odbrojavaj down, breathe deeply a few times, turn your attention to something else - watch TV, listen to music ...). When cool off, we are able to start watching a different situation and look for possible solutions.
Find a way to deal with chronic tension (running, sports Blow energy and tension, fast walking, dancing ...). Others prefer to use your imagination and relaxing scenes or slow breathing.
Use calming samogovor - eg "calm down.", "Anger will not help me," "just forget"

Recognize that precedes the situation and what the consequences of your angry behavior.
Ask yourself - why that situation, what do they mean? What is the real problem? it really bothers me that? This helps to identify which of the problematic situation and why - and to discover how to deal with them differently.
Current consequences of angry behavior can be to get what you want (and the other "left alone", stop pressing, etc. ..). However, long-term anger leads to impaired relationships and that people avoid them, or maybe concrete shall be borne fines and penalties (in school pedagogical measures, domestic bans, etc.). It seems that you've dropped the "hot dog", but before whom and how much is it worth? In this way, those who raise their self-esteem and to prove to others have a bright future. Do you want such a society that has impressed aggressive behavior, loss of self-control, outbursts and incidents?

Think what you could do differently?
Make a list of things you could do instead of angry behavior. Choose one that would best suit the situation. It may initially be difficult to apply them, but when they are in good uvježbaš less disturbing situations, the easier it will be applied in situations with more anger.

Learn to express frustration and anger in a different (more appropriate and constructive) ways.
You can express your needs, stand up for yourself, resolve conflicts and negotiate without threats, insults and harsh words. In private and "chilled" chapters tell the person how you feel and that her behavior bothers you. Suggest possible solutions and present their expectations. Be prepared to hear the other side. (If you're not used to talk like this - it is good to prepare for it, either with the help of an adult that you trust, either with the help of experts.)

Learn to cool your angry thoughts

Remember how in anger distorts and we rush to conclusions. Therefore, an attempt to consider how else could understand the situations that arouse anger you?

When you think that someone deliberately provokes you cross the line, ask yourself: "Do I take things too personal?" People usually do not do things to us Error - but because of their needs or other circumstances (perhaps imagined, he really was in a hurry ...). Hot thought "deliberately provocative and thought that we are all fools who wait" replace rashlađenijom "I do not like it crosses the line while waiting for the rest of us. I will ask the person to comply with order. "

When after an argument with a friend about her think the worst (though by then you were in very good terms, ask yourself "ignoring the positive?" Cool the bitter thought: "It's selfish and hypocritical, I showed the real face." Realistic thinking: "I know that sometimes it's not fair, but most of them are trying to be ok and I know that she cares about me" ...

Remember that others can not go wrong in any proceedings. Thought to see the process that you've made it? Or your dear friend in whom you trust? Would you find an explanation for it?

When we have rigid expectations and strict rules (by themselves or others) and generally more angry when things do not go as we think they should. Ask yourself: "How realistic is it to expect that there would be a crowd, that no problems will arise, that others have the same views as me?" Allow others to see things differently and give them different meanings. It does not mean that if a person is late - and to deliberately belittle. Maybe just bad and there is no estimated time of planning skills.

No srljaj to conclusions about what people really think that her intentions. Instead of reading my mind - rather check and ask the person. Tell me how you got it and what the situation is and that bothered. It is difficult when we are angry, but uvježbavaj a way of thinking and communicating in a less disturbing situations - until I become a common way of communicating and problem-solving situations (which are a normal part of everyday life of each of us).

Resolve conflicts and long-term relationships.

Enough sleep, have a routine, eat healthy ... Find time for yourself, rest, entertainment, hobby and activities you enjoy. It helps to have more power to deal with the frustrations and situations that arouse anger.

If you made a mistake, said a rough word or act explodes - tell the person and show that you really meant it in that it will not happen again.


Intensive, and uncontrolled anger is not a sign that you are strong - but you're not able to kontolirati and deal with problematic situations. If this happens often, you're so upset that you feel you might hurt yourself or others - seek professional help! 

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