Monday, January 7, 2013

The empty nest syndrome

Sadness over the departure of children is an integral part of life and does not require professional help, but adjustments, strengthening social networks and marriage and pride for the successful education 

Syndrome "empty nest" describing depression, sadness and nostalgia that parents often feel when their children leave the parental home and start an independent life. Whether we are talking about moving for school, work or marriage, mothers are usually harder hit by the departure of children from their fathers, psychologists say. The reason for this is the innate sense of maternal care and family a "duty" to create a warm home. As soon as the child leaves the house, they lose an important part of maternal task, which re-starts the search for identity and goals. Fathers are not completely immune to the syndrome of "empty nest", though their feelings are mild and resolve the situation focused on hobbies and occupation of additional work.

- Empty nest syndrome as any, but we as well as other phenomena imported from American culture, and parents feel that they are expected to work out grief of children. How to set the emptying nest determines how we affect the independence of children - says psychologist Mirjana Krizmanic.
The impact of children out of marriage

Quality of marital relations is closely linked with the departure of children from home. So those marriages that have worked only for form after emptying nests often break because there is no need for theatrics. That is why more and more people in their 50s parting.

- However, if the marriage was shaky and differences relied on different positions in education or finances, leaving children can be a great opportunity for bringing together partners and deepening relationships - believes Krizmanić.
Single mothers hardest

Single mothers are often highly related to children and their statistics reveal that the "empty nest" hardest. The problem occurs in those mothers who were overly involved with the children and have neglected their other life roles, says Krizmanić.

- In addition to parents, they have a number of roles. The role of spouses, friends, neighbors, professionals, members of a club or any other riches are in life. If they are ignored, they should be re-paid to build them, which is possible in a very short time. So it comes to true fulfillment, and burdening the children Discount - Krizmanić explains.
The problem is a result of possessiveness own unfulfillment

Mothers who can not accept the independence of children or do not want to, because then the meeting shall be given to their own lives, says Krizmanić. Empty nest syndrome is not a problem that is necessary to seek professional help, but goes beyond healthy and mature approach to the problem.

- Who feels very sad because the bird flew a strong desire to feel needed. This can be solved in various ways, such as volunteering and helping children with disabilities or in a nursing home - advice Krizmanić.
Advantages situation

-Most of my friends were relieved after the departure of children. This has really given the opportunity to re-dedicate ourselves - Krizmanic said.

The proper attitude of parents is to praise themselves as able to raise a successful, independent children who are ready to branch out and build your life. On the line will be other roles, such as those grandmothers and grandfathers, and life is too short to be in it were devoted to only one thing such as parenting, therefore, because it burdens the children who yearn for freedom, explains Krizmanić.

After all, we live in a society where overcrowding is a major problem nests, which sometimes three generations living under the same roof, and independent living becomes a privilege.
Turn grief into an opportunity

Departure children should not be a taboo topic because you only aggravate the situation by denying loneliness and sadness due to natural lifestyle changes, consult psychologists.

For people who are satisfied with their lives because of the crisis "emptying nest" is less so, and before children, plan how you are going alone or with a spouse to fill the excess time. Look at it as a challenge, in which once again in life can shape hobbies and interests.

Everyday watch family album and crying in an empty room is over-reaction because the separation could not say goodbye. The period in which children move from home usually coincide with periods of life in which women enter menopause, so keep in mind that hormonal changes can increase the feelings of emptiness. However, if sadness is strong and durable, it is best to seek psychological help.
How are easier to deal with departures from the nest

Get ready on time

Avoid comparing your child's life with your own and do not project the fears of their own. The teenage children think of it as quite natural that it grows up and becomes independent and can concentrate on the ways with which you can he help it. Encourage his independence by offering them love and support.

Do not lose contact

While your child to be independent and not right to call him a dozen times a day, agree with him in that time and how often you will be contacted. Also, make sure you see it more often and face to face, even if it means you have to travel to the child.

Talk to others

Whether it's about your wife, mother or best friend, honestly admit that you go and why the child suffered from. So you will be able to hear other people's experiences, feel less lonely and get the necessary support.

Stay positive

Do not think negatively about a surplus of time and energy that you have, but concentrate on your goals and hidden desires that you have previously denied or did not know you had. Sign up for exercise classes, start running, encourage partners to dance course, travel or read books, consult psychologists. Options are endless, and your task is to find what makes you happy. 

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