Friday, May 17, 2013

How to get over a divorce?

On the scale of the most stressful events in a person's life, divorce is on the second place, right after the death of a spouse. 

No wonder that about 35 percent of divorced women and men gladly consult a marriage counselor than those who are married.

Divorced more smoke cigarettes, often reaching for a glass, and the morbid statistics indicate that people who have overcome divorce suffer from depression and other mental illness than is the case with the happily married.

Agony called divorce

Of course, the collapse of the family feel most children, but that does not negatively affect so many of them as you think.

The children involved in divorce react differently to the new situation, and often used "to be" better than children whose parents live in a harmonious relationship. Some children are simply more able in a dysfunctional family, but the structure of the perfect family, because, simply, the growing used to it.

A proud consequences of divorce, such as financial problems, frequent conflict and parental mental uzdrmanost directly affect whether a child will despond because of poor relations of their parents or to wriggle out of the problem with a positive attitude.

When children are given priority and given the necessary attention, gray clouds divorce can be dispersed. However, this requires a certain maturity and sensitivity and good hiding emotional trauma experienced by parents within.

Divorce is now much easier thing than ever, thanks to the consequences of not at all surprising. Many couples first go through the agony of trying to save their marriage before divorce is final.

What to look for

Periods in which couples were "fragile" for disagreements that often lead to divorce are the very beginning of the marriage, when the children are young and middle age. The first three years of marriage are extremely time sensitive. Spouses go wrong when romance dies and emerge on the surface of irreconcilable differences. However, some couples may take several years to odličili the radical step.

"Often people visit us again, just to consider whether they can afford to even think about it and come back only after two years with the decision," says divorce lawyer Kim Bitson. Five percent of marriages ending five years after the birth of her first child. Parenting is often a clamp that keeps the marriage alive.

Youth is the ideal time to play, but it's not the right time to establish connections for life. People can change a lot when they become parents, we are trying to do more than before. Time for love less and less, so in this case the solitude of their good friend. The problem is money, so it is more work. Then the problem of time spent with the child, and sex. In this situation, communication between spouses inevitably crack under the pressure of family life. Those who feel their skin is always accompanied by a marriage breakdown bitter taste of failure in creating happy family stories.

The agony that parents go through when their relationship breaks should not be underestimated. In their eyes, the whole thing seems much complication, just for the kids.

People get divorced in middle age. Today šezdesetogodišnjaci end their marriages than ever before.

Longer life, our health, and sexual appetites are now things that make no compromises. This is why it is not surprising that many couples go through the first two periods for divorce, and finally fell in the last test in middle age.

Those who remained married for the kids, at that age to realize that the little things that connect them. Midlife crisis is a phenomenon of the modern age. Before the beginning of the 20th century, many marriages have ended when children grow up, when the couple had an average of between 40 and 50 years. Today, the average married couple can "survive" two or three decades after their children leave home.

It is therefore not surprising that couples who have devoted so much energy to work and raise their children and sacrifice their own needs for the good of the family, they are looking to grab a piece of freedom for themselves when they enter middle age.

Long-term relationship suddenly perceived as choking and not as a source of stability - 65 percent divorce rate among people over 50 years of age to initiate women.

Greater financial independence and this fact gives the fifties does not mean end of the road, giving spouses a new view of middle age. And if the partners are not willing to step together towards new horizons, many of them would prefer to extend themselves.

Freed hormonal influences, desires for sexual and social needs and prove that the family held together, but this time with a career, good health and enough money to fulfill their dreams, many women are prepared to the last decade of his life dedicate new set of priorities.

Remember the children

Divorce does not destroy families, but destroys the spouses continue to live with the shame and hypocritical pride for their deep pain and a sense of personal failure. No matter how painful separation from a partner in middle age are mature enough to remain responsible and proud. In this spirit, we do everything that we have spared those who are involved in our "crime" - our children.

They need to focus on relationships and marriage look bright, with healthy models, respect, self-esteem and the fact that love is much more than just romance.

The blame-game

Deep down inside us there is always the idea that someone is to blame for the dissolution of marriage.Divorce is often the result of prolonged and complex combination of irreconcilable forces that might have been prevented with caution, and then the collapse happened sooner or later.

Double standards here play a major role. Divorced fathers are often seen as heroes and often support them. They are considered attractive, while, on the other hand, believes that divorced women have lost their original luster.

During the first year after the break up, people balance between the state of euphoria because they finally have a new life and freedom, and dreary, depressing taste of failure. This is for men can be translated as a sexual failure, because of a divorced man sexual dysfunction in 10 percent higher.With a deep sense of anger and loneliness, physical appearance divorced changing. Some become messy, and made a few pounds, others divert anger and try to correct their deficiencies. It is also possible changing job and moving out of the home that reminds them of somber marital life.

For many, the end of the first year is the most painful, when in doubt past and worries about the future reach the highest point. Days to share them reminded them of important dates for the failed marriage.

When reminded of the events in the second year, many couples eventually accept the new status quo and extend further. Some studies have shown that depression and health problems dropping two or three years after the divorce.

Other people refuse to be improved while still not married - and it takes time to build trust back into the world community.

In general, women are easier to deal with divorce. Many of them have discovered a lot about themselves and their needs only when they were alone. 

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